Not A Good Start

I do not usually do two entries in one day but Judy so needs our support that I had to post about her first.

My lower back is so painful today I do not know what to do with myself. The sky is so overcast we have had to have the lights on all day. Things started off well with quite a few Christmas cards and some things I had ordered arriving, including a breast cancer angel figurine I have been waiting for since May!! I took this as possibly being a good omen.

Mike had been out shopping this morning, things that were essential - and I had also asked him to get some Christmas flowers for the grave of my parents and the memorial to my brother. As we always get artificial, we usually get them much earlier to avoid the rush. Mike had some personal shopping to do so he said he would do everything in one hit.

Well, he drove around and around looking for a space to park. The town he went to has two enormous car parks but although he went early, cars were lining up to get in. He then remembered a smaller car park that he has used previously and was lucky to get the last parking space there.

He went into a local indoor market and got some lovely Christmas flowers and then returned to the car to find he had been clamped. He could see no signs saying it was a clamping area and people were not allowed to park there. Apparently this only came into force a couple of weeks ago so he did not know. He could not believe it. He explained he had only been gone minutes, that he was a pensioner, it made no difference. He asked where the signs were only to be pointed to one very high up on a wall that most people would miss, as he obviously did.

He had to pay £201.25. to get the car released.

I knew something was wrong the minute he returned. He was white and shaking. When he told me I just burst into tears, I could not help it. On top of that, he was so tense that he hurt his back getting into the car to drive home and now he can hardly straighten.

This is such a blow to us. Living on pension is hard enough, the ever rising cost of electricity, gas and food prices. We are barely keeping our heads above water. Our savings are all but gone and right on top of Christmas we get this enormous fine. That has completely wiped out our winter fuel allowance.

We could both have done without this. I am also worried sick about the results of my HB1C tests which I get tomorrow afternoon. I was told last time that if my readings were not lower next time, I would be referred to the hospital as a likely candidate for insulin. This is my biggest fear. Yes, I know a lot of people are on insulin and manage well, but it gives me the horrors. I also know people are more prone to "hypos" when they are on insulin. I suffered a hypo once and do not want to experience anything like that again.

Also, other people do not have to deal with all the things I am dealing with like breast cancer treatment, high blood pressure, arthritis, agoraphobia, panic attacks and, of course, diabetes.

The week has started badly and now I fear it will go on that way. You all know how getting out at all is so hard for me. I even have to take tranquilisers to get to the doctor's surgery. So this upset today has done me no good and made me even more fearful for tomorrow.

Can I ask you to send out good thoughts and prayers? Normally, I try not to talk too much about my health and I rarely have a rant but after what happened today I feel so low, so very down. Every Christmas it seems that problems assail us. It was just before Christmas 2007 that I found "the lump". I truly do not think I could cope with anymore going wrong, my emotions are in tatters, I have felt drained for a long time.

To add insult to injury, after Mike paid the fine, the clamper had the cheek to wish him Merry Christmas. Pig.

Anyway, I have a splitting headache, my back is hurting. I need to go and lie down for a while, maybe listen to a relaxation tape. Hopefully, I will fall asleep for a couple of hours. That, at least, would be two hours when I will not be worrying.

I do not like writing in this manner and if it sounds like self-pity, it is. Today I feel very sorry for myself and I also feel sorry for Mike.