I Gottha Theed

This story might seem to be at the expense of my Mother who was very embarrassed at the time but who came to view the whole thing with hilarity down the ensuing years.

Mum, Dad and I were on holiday enjoying a wonderful Seaside break. We had a nice hotel with full board but one day my Father decided to treat us to something special. He had spied a quite exclusive restaurant and booked us in for our evening meal. So, at the appointed time we dressed in our best togs and set off.

It was one of those restaurants where everybody looked at you when you walked in, conversation was either non-existant or very hushed. It was the sort of place my Mother dreaded!!!! She was more at home in a bustling cafe.

We were shown to our table by a very haughty waiter and , duly settled, we scanned the menu and all decided on a mixed grill with all the trimmings - lovely! Now, I have to point out that a couple of weeks previously Mum had been fitted with a complete upper denture and was still getting accustomed to it.

The meal came on enormous platters and we all tucked in. About a third of the way through the meal my Mother started pulling the most peculiar faces as she struggled with a grilled Tomato. I was the only one who seemed to notice so I quietly nudged Dad under the table and when he looked up I indicated Mum with a movement of my head.

He asked her what was the matter. To which came the reply "I gottha theed" "Pardon," says my Father. "I gottha theed" she said louder this time. Dad still puzzled said, "Sorry dear, I cannot make it out, what did you say?" My exasperated Mother lost her rag and yelled "I gottha theed" at the top of her voice. At that very instant, her upper set left her mouth at high velocity, performed a graceful arc through the air and landed directly atop the steak of the man sitting at the next table!!!!!!!

Now, my father was a very staid man, never given to displays of emotion either in private or in public, but on seeing the flying teeth he let out a loud guffaw and then started laughing at the top of his voice. "Shuffup" said my Mother. He laughed louder. The more she said "Shuffup"the more he laughed, then I started to laugh. Poor Ma, there she sat with a napkin pressed to her mouth whilst we rocked with laughter until the tears rolled down our cheeks. Shocked diners, horrified waiters!! We had lowered the tone of the establishment. We were persona non grata.

The man at the next table was first aghast but then composing himself he picked up the offending dentures with his napkin and in a very dignified fashion he presented them back to my Mother at the same time telling my Father that he did not think there was anything funny about the matter as his meal had been ruined.

So, we never got to finish the dinner. Mother was too embarrassed to remain so Dad not only had to cough up for our very expensive meals but also for a replacement for the man at the next table. However, Dad was still laughing as he paid the bill and still laughing when we got back to our hotel. My Mother said she would never eat out with him again but, of course, she did - even though it took awhile.............

Of course, the problem had been a tomato seed which had wedged itself beneath her upper plate. She had tried to remove it by face pulling and might have succeeded - if I had not drawn attention to it. She was actually trying to say, as you will have no doubt guessed - "I have got a seed"!!

Right until the day she passed away, if things were a little quiet or conversation was exhausted or any one of us was in a bad mood or feeling down, another of us only had to say "I gottha theed" and we all cracked up with laughter.

Oh memories. Happy days.